So I’m guessing you’re here, reading this, because you’re ready to end a relationship that’s probably been going on for quite some time now. Let me just break this to you: breakups will ALWAYS be uncomfortable. I mean, you’re telling someone who probably saw you as “the one” that he’s not the one for you. That’s going to be painful, especially if you’ve shared a lot of your life with each other — experiences, time and love. Don’t expect anything less than discomfort, because you’re about to break someone’s heart. However, there are ways to make a breakup less painful and awkward. You just have to be nice, sensitive, and most importantly, honest.
Don’t catch your man off-guard. Make sure that the breakup doesn’t come up out of the blue! That’s the worst and most unfair way to go about a breakup. If everything seems to be going well, and you’re both perfectly happy with your relationship, a breakup will just piss your guy off. If you’ve been thinking of breaking things off, make sure that you give at least a month or two of distance to give a small indication that a breakup might be coming.
Don’t even consider doing it over the phone or over Facebook. Do the right thing, be brave, and breakup face-to-face. If this is a guy who shared his life with you, he deserves to hear it from you in person.
Be honest with your reasons. He deserves the truth! Make sure you tell him exactly why you’re breaking things off. If it’s because you don’t see him in your future, or because you feel like you have to work on yourself first, or maybe work’s become overwhelming, so you want to focus on your career, then tell him as it is.
Learn how to package honesty in a nice way. If the problem is with your boyfriend, then try to find a way to break the ice without making him feel so horrible. If it’s because he’s a big momma’s boy, then find a way to say it nicely. Something like, “I just think that your priorities aren’t aligned with mine at the moment. It feels like you are still very much needed in your family, and that’s totally okay, but I just want a bit of space right now.” There is always a better way to say the hard stuff. Think it over before you drop the bomb.
Allow him to express himself. To make this civil, and not at all awkward, refrain from turning this into a screaming match. Let him explain his side, but don’t let him talk you into changing your mind (if you’re completely sure about your decision). It’s important that you let him talk so that he feels like there is closure. Hash things out, but let him know that your decision is firm, but it isn’t the end of the world.
Allow him to be angry. Just like allowing him to speak, don’t be upset if he’s angry. Again, this is hard for him to hear, especially if you’ve gone through a lot together.
There is no room for your pride here, missy! Make sure that you deal with him with utmost humility. If he tosses the blame on you, then willingly accept it. After all, it’s you who wants to end things, not him.
Understand that he’ll need space to heal. I know that you came here to make sure to break up without the awkwardness, but you should accept that the ‘result’ of the break up is beyond your control. How he reacts, and how you react to his reaction is up to fate. So whether it ends in laughter or in tears, give the guy some space to heal and to process. I know you will probably want to keep the friendship, but allow him to breathe. The friendship button is up to him to press.
Finally, don’t jump into the dating scene too soon! The best and most sensitive advice I can give you is to respect him. Make sure that you don’t break his heart a second time around by dating someone too quick. Be sensitive to his feelings, and I’m sure he’ll be okay in no time.
Again, these are guidelines to help you become more prepared to end things with someone who’ll always have a part of your heart. But I’m not guaranteeing it will be a happy ending. Breakups are unpredictable because you won’t know exactly how your partner will react. Sometimes, it’s possible he was just waiting for you to pull the plug. If this happens, don’t be angry! Just accept that you’re not meant for each other and be happy that it’s going easier than you planned. On the other hand, if he’s madly in love with you, he won’t take the breakup very well. Keep your chin up, and just be nice. Kindness always wins in relationships.Let me know how your breakups go, Hot Nerds. I hope that it won’t be as painful or as awkward as you imagine it to be.
Hey Hotties, I’m China!
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