I’m a believer that a relationship thrives when it’s well-received by your nearest and dearest friends. When everyone is happy and at peace with one another, you become happier and more at ease with everyone you love. Isn’t it such a nice feeling to look around the room and see that everyone gets along? So if you’re at the early stages of your relationship, you can read this to see to see how you can get your friends and your boyfriend get along.
Now, I’m guessing that some of you are now quite deep into a relationship. When you’ve spent quite some time with your boyfriend, I’m sure there have been issues, conflicts, happiness, joys and pains already. Sometimes, you can’t help but confide in a friend or two (or four… or five…) about your situation, right? Let’s face it, sometimes, we just need to talk to someone to help us process. However, how much information is too much information to divulge, right? And how involved should your friends be in your relationship?
My tip is simple: they shouldn’t be involved. By definition, involvement means that they are actually engaged in the relationship and even call the shots! No. Your relationship is YOURS and your boyfriend’s. Your boyfriend didn’t get into a relationship with you and your best friend, right? So I reckon your friends should stay out.
I’m not saying that they can’t know anything, I’m just saying that they shouldn’t actually get in the way of what you and your boyfriend want to do with your lives. You just have to find a healthy balance with how you relate with your friends regarding your relationship. Here are some tips to find that balance:
1. Just confide in a few, good friends. Sometimes, I understand that it can be tempting to tell just about every friend about your relationship — how good it is, how many fights you’ve gotten into, your next step in the relationship, right? But I suggest that you keep this information between and among your nearest and dearest friends. This way, you won’t get a bunch of unsolicited advice from a bunch of acquaintances who may even just spread the information about your relationship to just about anyone. Keep the information within a small circle.
2. Draw the line. When you confide in your friends, tell them that you have the situation handled, but you just need someone to talk to about it. This way, they won’t suddenly feel the urge to protect you, or confront your boyfriend out of the blue. You should be clear about your intentions in sharing the information, so that your friends will also know what’s expected of you.
3. You don’t have to say everything. A romantic relationship, needless to say, is intimate — a sharing of souls. Sometimes, there are things that should remain intimate; there are matters in your relationship that should just stay between you and your beau. If your boyfriend confides in you about the problems in his family, or his struggles at work, then you should keep it to yourself, especially if he asks you to. Trust is a very important aspect in a relationship, so don’t try to break it.
You should also keep your intimate life between the two of you. Your friends don’t have to know the nitty-gritty details about how far you both have gone. This is something private and should just be shared between you and your boyfriend.
4. Don’t shut your friends out completely. Like I said earlier, this article is all about finding that balance between telling your friends enough, but still keeping the privacy and intimacy of your relationship. Sometimes, it happens that we don’t see anything wrong with our relationship, but in fact, there may be some red flags. Your friends (who are hopefully objective and unbiased) will sometimes be able to point out what’s wrong with the relationship. I had a friend once whose boyfriend would scream and cuss at her whenever she did something unpleasing to him. Oddly, she felt like it was normal because he made her feel like it was her fault. Thankfully, she confided in a good friend of hers. Her friend snapped her out of it and made her realize that her boyfriend had absolutely no right to verbally abuse her. If you shut your friends out completely, these matters may never even be brought to life.
Like anything in life, relationships are delicate and should be treated with respect. It is essential, too, to learn how to find a balance — an equilibrium, so to speak — between and among the people who matter to you. Try and take a look at your social interactions, and see if they’re healthy, or unhealthy. If you find any unhealthy indications, correct it while you can and try to find that balance.
I hope you found these guidelines useful! Let me know in the comment section if you did. See you in the next article, Hot Nerds!