Your friends are some of the most important people in your life. If you share a deep friendship with them, that means you’ve probably known them for quite some time now, and you share a whole life with them. And if they’re true and good friends, they only want what’s best for you. And that includes your relationship.
That said, always remember that your friends will likely come from a good place if they express their dislike for your beau. Having your boyfriend and your friends get along is essential in having a peaceful social life.
Now, the question is, what do you do if your friends hate the guy you love? Tricky, especially because these are two worlds you very much value, right?
Here are some ways to try and find the root cause of the problem, and potentially even ease the tension going on between your boy and your friends.
1. LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS. I can’t stress this enough. Like I said earlier, your friends (IF they’re you’re truest, dearest friends) will probably know you better than you know yourself. Your friends deserve the airtime with you. Hear them out, and just let them speak. Don’t be defensive; don’t interrupt them when they try to explain themselves. It’s important you understand where they’re coming from, because they surely just want what’s best for you.
Set the tone for your discussion. If you want it to be a respectful dialogue, then you should behave respectfully, too. Ask them that you earnestly want to know what they see in your beau that makes him ineligible to be with you. That way, they too will respond respectfully.
I know that this conversation can really be painful, but for you to have peace of mind, and to potentially even keep your friends, then you should listen.
2. Take some time alone to digest. After you’ve heard what they have to say, give yourself time to process. I’m sure that you’re a melting pot of emotions right now — anger, sadness, confusion, possibly relief? But I beg you, try to calm down first and try to remove those emotions. During this process, give yourself space from your boyfriend as well. It’s important to go through this without any biases.
When you’ve calmed down, look at the whole situation from the outside. Take off the rose-filtered glasses of love that you have on when you see your boyfriend, and try to see him for what he really is. Did your friends make sense? Were they right? Or have they just misunderstood him?
During this process, you also have to think of what’s best for you. Check out this guideline to see if you’ve chosen the right guy to go steady with. This’ll help you distill the information so you can see the situation objectively.
3. If your friends are right, identify if it’s a deal-breaker. If you discovered some kinks in your relationship, I applaud you. It isn’t easy to admit that the guy you’re dating might actually be the guy your friends hate! So if you’ve seen your guy beyond the infatuation you feel for him, then this is a great step in the right direction. This can potentially spare you from a lifetime of heartbreak.
So, if you understand where your friends are coming from and you actually see it in him, decide if it’s a deal-breaker. If it’s that he’s aloof and quiet among your friends, this might not be a real deal-breaker. Sometimes, it takes a while for people to warm up, and your guy could be one of them. However, if it’s because he treats you like garbage, or he just uses you, or that you realized that he was actually cheating, then I think it’s time for some reevaluation, honey.
4. Understand that some people may just really not get along. If you’ve found nothing deal-breaking, then I guess it’s fine to proceed. Just understand that this is now your choice, so you have to really own it.
If the problems your friends have with your guy are actually really shallow, then perhaps you can just admit that your friends and your guy getting along might just take some time. Maybe you just have to expose your boyfriend to your friends more, or maybe you should also give time and effort to your friends and not spend it all on your boyfriend. Either way, you are the mediator here, so you should know how to help build the friendship.
5. If all is lost, learn to let go. If neither your friends nor your boyfriend are willing to meet in the middle, then it’s time for you to just move on and accept that your circle of friends and your boyfriend may really never get along. They just might hate each other for the whole duration of your relationship (I hope to God this won’t be the case!). But if you’re convinced that both your friends and your boyfriend (even if they don’t get along) make you a better person, then by all means, go ahead.
However, I’d really like to point out that life is a whole lot sweeter if the people you all love are at peace with one another. Before you get too serious with anyone, expose the guy you’re dating with your friends first. Don’t just start dating a guy out of the blue and expect all your friends to welcome him with open arms — I don’t think it necessarily works this way. You should learn to build a community around you and your relationship, so that it’ll be a healthy, happy one. But, as always, the choice is always up to you. Just be sure to make the best choices for you and those around you!